This man is worth 500 dollars.
And this man's going to collect.
He's Jake Cahill and he lives by
Bounty Law.
You don't ever bring men alive, now do you, Jake?
Not when there's three of them and one of me.
What are you lookin' at, bounty killer?
Lookin' at an ugly owl hoot 'bout to get his jaw busted.
Amateurs try and take men in alive.
Amateurs usually don't make it.
Whether you're dead or alive, you're just a dollar sign to
Jake Cahill on Bounty Law.
Thursdays at 8:30. Only on NBC.
Hello, everybody!
This is Allen Kincaid on the set of the exciting hit
NBC and Screen Gems television series
Bounty Law.
Now, if you think you're seeing double,
don't adjust your television sets
because, well, in a way, you are.
To my right is Bounty Law series lead
and Jake Cahill himself, Rick Dalton.
And to my left is Rick's stunt double, Cliff Booth.
Welcome, gentlemen and
thanks for taking the time to visit with us.
Well, it's our pleasure, Al.
So, Rick, uh, explain to the audience
exactly what it is a stunt double does.
Well...
Actors are required to do a lot of dangerous stuff.
Say, Jake Cahill gets shot off a horse...
Now, can I fall off a horse?
Yes, I can, yes, I have.
Let's say I fall off wrong and I
and I sprain my wrist or I- or I twist my ankle, now...
that can put an undue burden on production
'cause now maybe I can't work for a week.
So, Cliff here is meant to help carry the load.
Is that, uh, how you describe your job, Cliff?
What, carrying his load?
Yeah, that's about right.
Join me next week on the set of The Dick Van Dyke Show
where I'll be talking to those comical cut-ups
Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie.
Till then, this is Allen Kincaid signing off from Hollywood.
♪ 93 KHJ ♪
♪ Yeah, my man ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Oh, you're looking good, baby ♪
♪ I wanna tell you a story ♪
Hey, cutie.
♪ Every man oughta know ♪
♪ If you want a little lovin' ♪
The flowers.
♪ You gotta start real slow ♪
And that one too's mine.
♪ She's gonna love you tonight now ♪
Good boy.
♪ If you just treat her right now ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey! ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ All right! ♪
♪ Hey, yeah! ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Hey, all right! ♪
♪ Well, it's all right! ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
♪ Oh, work it now, one time! ♪
♪ Ooow! ♪
♪ You're too much, baby, all right ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
Murder, revenge and passionate intrigue.
Virna Lisi stars in the Los Angeles television premiere
of Love, Hate and Desire
Saturday at 9:00 on KHJ-TV 9.
Gina, Gina, Gina!
The face in the misty light.
Hello, Mr. Schwarz.
Whoa, Gina.
I, uh, I have a meeting with a very handsome
cowboy man.
He's waiting for you in the bar.
Well...
since I just finished watching
a Rick Dalton fucking film festival,
I think I know who you are.
Put it there.
Well, it's my pleasure, Mr. Schwartz,
a-and thank you for taking an interest.
Schwarz not Schwartz.
Goddammit to hell, I'm-I'm sorry about that.
My pleasure, Mr. Schwarz.
- Call me Marvin. - Marvin, call me Rick.
Rick. Oh, that your son?
My son...
No, that's my stunt double Cliff Booth, yeah.
Good to meet you.
We've worked together since the, uh,
the last two seasons of Bounty Law.
- Yeah. - My car's in the shop.
He gave me a ride.
That's a big fuckin' lie.
Rick got his driver's license taken away
for too many drunk driving tickets.
Cliff drives him everywhere now.
Oh, fuck.
Sounds like a good friend.
I try.
I want to send you greetings from my wife,
Mary Alice Schwarz.
Oh, well, that's nice.
Thanks a lot.
We had...
a Rick Dalton double feature in our screening room last night.
Oh, well...
That's both flattering and embarrassing.
What'd you see?
35mm prints...
of Tanner and The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey.
I hope the uh...
Rick Dalton uh, double feature wasn't too uh...
painful for you and the- and the missus.
Oh, no. Painful. Stop.
What are you saying?
Mary Alice loves Westerns.
Our whole courtship, we watched Westerns.
And we thoroughly enjoyed them.
- Oh, that's nice. - Really good.
And um,
anyway, she goes to bed.
I open up a box of Havanas.
I light up.
I pour myself a cognac.
And I watch...
The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey.
What a picture.
- What a picture. - Good picture, yeah.
Got to be so much fun.
All the shooting.
I love that stuff, you know, the killing.
A lotta killing, a lotta killing.
So gentlemen,
the plan is we reverse our forces
und drive the Allies back into the sea!
There's nowhere to go.
Hermann!
Open the curtains!
Jawohl!
Anybody order fried sauerkraut?!
Burn, you Nazi basterds!
That's you operating the flamethrower, isn't it?
Oh, you bet your sweet ass it was, yeah, yeah.
It was you?
Yeah, l-let me tell you, th-th-that's
one shitfuck crazy weapon.
Y-You do not want to be on the wrong side of, boy, oh, boy.
Now, I-I practiced with that dragon, uh...
three hours a day for two weeks.
N-Not just 'cause I wanted to look good in the picture
but because I was
I was shit scared of the damn thing, to be honest.
Might fucking lose!
Crisp in a massive death!
All right, that's too hot.
Anything we could do about that heat?
Rick, it's a flamethrower.
Yeah.
So I came to the office early today...
and I watched
two episodes of Bounty Law
on a 16mm.
Jodey Janus.
Wanted for cow rustling in the state of Wyoming.
425 dollars, dead or alive.
And you brought him here to collect.
I don't even know where here is.
This was the closest place.
Caught up with him about five miles outside of town.
So, bounty killer...
the name of this town is Janustown.
That boy you killed...
Jodey Janus...
he was the baby boy of Major Nathan Maxwell Janus.
Who is... Major Nathan Maxwell Janus?
Well, I'll be sure to introduce you
when he gets here.
Bounty Law.
Starring Rick Dalton.
Then a couple of the jokers over in our typists
sent over a kinescope of a little treat featuring you.
♪ There's an old piano that they playin' hot ♪
♪ Behind the green door ♪
♪ Don't know what they're doin' ♪
♪ But they laugh a lot ♪
♪ Behind the green door ♪
♪ Wish they'd let me in ♪
♪ So I can find out what's ♪
♪ Behind the green door ♪
So, uh, you've been doing, uh...
guest shots on uh, episodic TV shows
the last couple of years.
Yeah, yeah, uh...
I'm doin' a-a pilot for CBS right now.
It's called Lancer.
I play the heavy.
Did a... Ron Ely Tarzan and uh...
Land of the Giants, Green Hornet.
I did that show...
Bingo Martin with that kid Scott Brown.
And I got a FBI that airs this Sunday.
You uh, you always play the bad guy on these shows?
Yeah.
Mmm. So, and they have a fight scene at the end?
Well, not... Land of the Giants or FBI
but the rest, yeah.
And you lose in the fight?
Yeah, of course. I'm the heavy
Oh... that's an old trick pulled by the networks.
You take Bingo Martin
- for example. - Mm-hmm.
So, you got a new guy like Scott Brown.
You want to build up his bona fide.
So you hire a guy from a canceled show to play the heavy.
Then at the end of the show when they fight...
it's hero besting heavy.
But, what the audience sees is Bingo Martin...
whipping Jake Cahill's ass.
You see?
Then next week,
it's Ron Ely.
The next week it's...
Bob Conrad wearing his tight pants...
kicking your ass.
Yeah.
Now in another couple of years playing punching bag
to every swinging dick new to the network,
it's gonna have a psychological effect
on how the audience perceives you.
Right.
So, Rick...
who's gonna kick the shit outta you next week?
Mannix?
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.?
The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.?
How about Batman and Robin? Ping! Pow!
Chum! Zoom!
Down goes you.
Down goes your career as a leading man.
Or do you go to Rome
and star in Westerns?
And win fucking fights.
Muchas gracias.
All right, what the matter, partner?
It's official, old buddy.
I'm a has-been.
What are you talkin' about? What'd that guy tell you?
Told me the goddamn truth is what he told me.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey.
I'm sorry 'bout that. Sorry 'bout that.
Here, put these on.
Don't cry in front of the Mexicans.
What's gotten you so upset, man?
Well, if coming face to face with the
failure that is your career ain't worth cryin' about,
then I don't know what the fuck is.
Why? That guy in there turn you down?
No.
He wants to help me get into Italian movies.
Well, then, what's the problem?
I gotta do fuckin' Italian goddamn movies!
That's the fuckin' problem.
Fuck this bullshit!
Don't matter whether I cry in public
nobody remembers so fuck that, anyway.
Fuck!
- Fuck! - Hey.
Hey, let's go.
Take me home, Cliff.
More that 1,000 commies dead are reported
in fueled wide-spread fighting in South Vietnam.
Fuckin' hippie motherfuckers.
♪ Always is always forever ♪
♪ As long as one is one ♪
♪ Inside yourself for your father ♪
♪ All is none all is none all is one ♪
♪ It's time we put our love behind you ♪
♪ The illusion has been just a dream ♪
♪ The valley of death and I'll find you ♪
♪ Now is when on a sunshine beam ♪
Hotdog buns!
♪ For there us shall surely be ♪
♪ No clothing, or tears, or hunger ♪
♪ You shall see, you shall see, you shall see ♪
♪ Always is always forever ♪
♪ As long as one is one ♪
♪ Inside yourself for your father ♪
♪ All is one all is one all is one ♪
Five years of ascent.
Ten years of-of... treading water.
Now, race to the bottom.
Look, I never had much of a career to speak of.
So, I can't say I really know how you feel.
What are you talkin' 'bout?
Y-You're a stunt double. Come on now, shit.
Rick, I'm your driver, man I'm-I'm your gopher.
I'm not complaining.
Man, I like driving you around.
I like doing shit around the house.
Housesitting in the Hollywood hills when you're gone.
But I've been a full time stunt man for a while now and
from where I'm standin',
going to Rome to star in movies
does not sound like the fate worse than death
that you seem to think it is.
Come on, now. You ever seen a
a-an Italian Western, huh?
They're awful. It's a fucking farce.
Yeah? How many have you seen? One?
- Two? - I've seen enough, all right?
Nobody likes Spaghetti Westerns.
Sweet. The Real Don Steele, with Simon and Garfunkel hit,
Mrs. Robinson.
♪ And here's to you ♪
Frank Sinatra, Bill Cosby and Nancy Sinatra
with Tom Smothers as master of ceremonies
will appear in concert...
There are fearful pictures on his skin.
But the most fearful thing is tattooed on his soul.
The Illustrated Man.
Ray Bradbury's masterpiece of the supernatural.
An incredible journey to the outer limits of imagination.
Hell, man, stay in L.A.
Give it one for next pilot season.
Ah, nah.
I'm... I'm too insecure now to score come pilot season.
'Sides, Screen Gems ain't gonna have
nothin' good to say about me, you know that.
Shit, you made Bounty Law.
Nobody's gonna forgive me for that last season,
no matter what I do.
I'm always gonna be the horse's ass th-that
got Bounty Law canceled 'cause I wanted some...
fuckin' rinky-dink movie career.
Tom, my friend.
- I met him? - No, you haven't.
What I'm saying is you're not gonna meet him
- 'cause I don't think he likes you. - Why?
Well...
Four men on a search
Each man different.
Living his own way.
Searching.
Discovering.
Numero Uno.
The new thing in colognes for men.
In all the world, there're only four basic masculine scents.
Holy shit.
That... That was Polanski.
That was Roman Polanski, h-he's lived there for a month now.
First time I seen him.
Holy shit.
What I always say?
Most important thing in this town, is when you're making money,
you buy a house in town, you don't rent.
Eddie O'Brien taught me that.
Hollywood real estate means you live here.
You're not just visiting,
not just passin' through,
you fuckin' live here.
Here I am, flat on my ass,
and who-who do I got livin' next door to me?
The director of Rosemary's fuckin' Baby, that's who.
Polanski's the hottest director in town right now,
probably the world!
He's my next door fuckin' neighbor.
Shit.
I mean, who knows what can happen?
Shit, I-I could be one pool party away
from starrin' in a Polanski movie.
So, you're feeling better now?
Oh, yeah, yes. Sorry 'bout all that.
Gimme my glasses back.
Come get 'em, fucker.
Alright, alright, Audie Murphy, relax! There you go.
You gonna need me for anything else?
Nah, nah, nah...
A lotta lines to learn for tomorrow. Shit.
Alright, I'm gonna get my carcass on home.
- Alright. - Alright, 7:15 a.m.
7:15.
- Out the door? - Out the door.
- In the car. - Alright, see you then.
♪ Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...uck ♪
♪ Chuck a-chuck-chuck ♪
♪ Little darlin' do not let a tear ♪
♪ Fall-a from your ey-ey-ey-ey-eye ♪
♪ Well she wrote me the letter ♪
♪ Said that she couldn't live ♪
♪ Without me no more ♪
♪ Listen to me mister ♪
♪ Please don't you ever ♪
♪ My baby once more ♪
♪ Anyway ♪
♪ Give a listen ♪
♪ 'Cause I was born lonely ♪
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
♪ Learned to spin fortune wheels ♪
♪ And throw dice ♪
♪ I was just thirteen ♪
♪ When I had to leave home ♪
♪ Knew I couldn't stick around ♪
♪ I had to roam ♪
♪ Ain't good lookin' ♪
♪ But you know I ain't shy ♪
♪ Ain't afraid to look you girl ♪
♪ Hey, in the eye ♪
♪ So if you need some lovin' ♪
♪ Now, full o' jitterbugs from Pico Rivera, baby ♪
♪ I'ma come on loose for ya ♪
♪ Hey, Hector! Your momma lookin' for you ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, boy ♪
Well, if you haven't tried one with Mug Root Beer,
start droolin' now.
Mug, old-fashioned root beer in the new twist top bottle.
♪ KHJ Boss hit bomb! ♪
♪ This is the house that Jack built, y'all ♪
♪ Remember this house! ♪
♪ MacArthur Park is melting in the dark ♪
♪ All the sweet, green icing ♪
♪ Flowing down ♪
How was your day, hmm?
Wait till you see what I got for you.
Look what I got for you.
Gonna blow your mind, man.
Whoop!
Come here.
Ah!
It's numbers game.
It's a wild game.
Take 3... 3 in the Attic.
These three.
Tobey, one full of life.
Was that a whine?
What'd I tell ya 'bout whining? You whine, you don't eat.
I will throw this shit in the trash.
I don't wanna, but I will.
Ya understand?
All right.
♪ That's all very well, but not with my daughter, you don't ♪
It was closing time.
But he never came back.
Okay, Peggy, what happened?
I don't know. Everything was fine.
While I was doing the dishes...
And then, a sudden change.
You know how musicians are, they're temperamental cats.
Who knows what got into him?
Yeah!
Rick Dalton rehearsal tape startin' in five...
four, three, two, one.
Pepe! Get your behind behind that bar, I got a guest.
Johnny says... Spanish, Spanish, Spanish...
How's business?
I've had worse.
Johnny says Spanish,
A toast.
To my wife and all my sweethearts...
may they never meet.
Señor Madrid, care to join me at my table
while I entertain my guest?
I would be delighted, Mister DeCoteau.
Take the bottle wit' you.
And Pepe comes over.
Hey, where's that chili pepper daughter of yours' fiddle?
She's asleep.
Well, wake her the heck up,
get her down here with her fiddle and her bow
and entertain my guest!
Si, señor, but please don't hurt her this time. I beg you.
I ain't gonna hurt her.
Just want her to play the fiddle.
Now, go fetch her and tell her
I'll give her a fat five-dollar gold piece
if she'll play her little chili pepper heart out!
So, Johnny... what else you heard about me?
I heard you're pushin' Lancer pretty hard,
but Lancer has money.
At some point, he's gonna hire some guns
and push back.
9:00 in the City of Angels!
Your brother here, 10 to 5.
'Cause the weekend's still got plenty to start with.
So rock on!
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na, na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na, na na na ♪
♪ I got a certain little girl she's on my mind ♪
♪ No doubt about it she looks so fine ♪
♪ She's the best girl that I ever had ♪
♪ Sometimes she's gonna make me feel so bad ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na, na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na, na na na ♪
♪ Hush, hush ♪
♪ I thought I heard her calling my name now ♪
♪ Hush, hush ♪
♪ She broke my heart but I love her just the same now ♪
♪ Hush, hush ♪
Oh, look, they're here.
♪ Thought I heard her calling my name now ♪
♪ Hush, hush ♪
♪ I need her loving and I'm not to blame now ♪
Hey! How are you doin', baby?
Hey!
How are you?
♪ The tears that you're starting to cry are no good ♪
♪ Cause you know I loved you ♪
♪ Much better than anybody would ♪
♪ And it was understood ♪
♪ That I wouldn't be ♪
♪ Staying around a long time ♪
♪ You knew that someday ♪
♪ I'd wake up, baby ♪
♪ And I'd find ♪
♪ Somebody further down the line ♪
♪ I'm the son of a lovin' man ♪
♪ My daddy told me ♪
♪ Get you all the loving you can ♪
♪ And I can ♪
♪ 'Cause I, I'm the son ♪
♪ I'm the son, son ♪
♪ I'm the son, son I'm the son, son ♪
♪ Son of a loving man ♪
♪ My daddy before me told me ♪
♪ That his daddy before him told him ♪
♪ Never wait around ♪
♪ And never settle down ♪
♪ 'Cause there are too many women ♪
♪ Who will hold on tight ♪
♪ To a loving man who will come along ♪
♪ And treat them right ♪
♪ But you got to leave with the morning light ♪
I'm gonna tell you a story.
She... was engaged to him.
And she...
flew to the UK
to make a film with him
and broke off her engagement with him
and married him.
Then they... moved to Los Angeles...
and then the three of 'em have been inseparable.
Really?
What's up?
Jay loves Sharon, that's what's up.
And he knows...
as sure as God made little green apples,
that one of these days,
that Polish prick's gonna fuck things up
and when he does...
Jay's gonna be there.
Well, one thing's for sure.
Yeah?
What's that?
Sharon absolutely has a type.
Cute, short, talented guys who look like 12-year-old boys.
Yeah.
I never stood a chance.
♪ I, I'm a son ♪
♪ I'm a son, son I'm a son, son ♪
♪ I'm a son, son ♪
♪ Son of a loving man ♪
♪ I'm the son of a loving man ♪
♪ My daddy told me ♪
♪ Get you all the loving you can ♪
It's 8:32 at KHJ with Robert W. Morgan.
I only want you to listen to this commercial if you're under 25.
It's about new Tanya Tanning Butter.
Here, get your self-esteem.
Tanya Tanning Butter's guaranteed to give you
really deep Hawaiian tan faster than you've ever thought possible.
It's so fast in fact, that you might even burn a little bit,
but we've all done that, not enough to hurt, though.
If you want the deepest, fastest Hawaiian tan on the beach,
you better pick up on some Tanya Tanning Butter.
Prices start at a low 85 cents, that's a small price to pay.
♪ A deeper faster Hawaiian tan ♪
♪ That's what you get when you use Tanya ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Tanya ♪
♪ From Malibu to Miami ♪
♪ You'll tan like you're in Waikiki ♪
♪ Get Tanya ♪
♪ Robert W. Morgan ♪
Hey...
I think the wind blew down my TV antenna last night.
So, while I pissfart around wardrobe,
you mind going home and fixin' it?
I can.
You talk to the stunt gaffer about me today?
That way, I know if I'm working this week or not.
Yeah...
I've been meaning to tell you, the guy who gaffes this...
best friends with Randy,
the guy from The Green Hornet.
So, really ain't nothin' for ya.
All right, well, if you don't need me for anything else,
I'll pick you up after.
I don't need you, not today.
Go home, fix my antenna, do whatever.
See ya 'round.
Hey!
You're Rick fucking Dalton.
Don't you forget it.
♪ Till you see my home town ♪
♪ Choo choo train ♪
Hey, hey, buddy, I'm Rick Dalton.
You know where I'm supposed to go?
I think they're waiting for you in the makeup trailer.
Where's the makeup trailer?
Straight back to where you came, hard right.
Rick Dalton!
Sam Wanamaker.
Hey, Sam. Sorry about the wet hand.
Oh, don't worry about it. I'm used to it with you.
I just wanted you to know I'm the one who cast you
and I could not me more delighted that you're doing this.
Oh, thank you, Sam... I appreciate it.
It's a good part.
Have you met Jim Stacy, the series lead?
Uh, not yet, no, no.
Well, you guys are gonna be dynamite together.
Well, it sounds exciting.
Yeah, lightning in a bottle!
Now, you met
- Sonya, makeup and hair? - Hi.
And this is Rebecca who does costumes.
- Hi. - Howdy.
Now, I want a whole new look for Caleb.
I don't want this Western costume the way they costume
The Big Valley and Bonanza from the last decade.
I want a zeitgeist flair in the costumes.
I mean, nothing anachronistic,
but when does 1869 and 1969 meet?
Especially when it comes to you, Caleb.
First off, I wanna give him a mustache.
A big, droopy, Zapata-like mustache.
Now, about his jacket...
I wanna give him a hippie jacket.
Something that he could wear into the London Fog tonight
and look like the hippest guy in the room.
Far out. We got a Custer jacket,
fringes all down the arm.
It's tan now, but I dye it dark brown,
he could hit the strip in it tonight.
That's my girl.
Now, Rick, about your hair.
W-What about my hair?
I wanna go with a different hairstyle.
Oh, what?
Something more... hippie-ish.
Well... you want me to look like a hippie?
Well, think less hippie, more...
Hell's Angel!
Say... Sam, Sam, uh...
You got me covered up in all this, uh...
this... junk.
Uh, how's the audience gonna know it's me?
I hope they don't.
Hmm.
I don't want them to see Jake Cahill.
I want them to see Caleb!
I hired you to be an actor, Rick,
and not a TV cowboy.
You're better than that.
♪ Los Angeles weather ♪
Hot today, heat at 95 the high, sunny.
No smog, well, what I mean is, a lotta smog.
Up to 105 in the San Fernando Valley.
90 Orange County, 80 beach.
Right now, 75 in Hollywood...
♪ Run to me ♪
♪ And the heavenly fragrance that clings ♪
♪ It's Heaven Sent ♪
♪ Suddenly ♪
♪ You're an imp wearing angel's wings ♪
♪ In Heaven Sent ♪
♪ Suddenly ♪
♪ You are all the things that you want to be ♪
♪ A little bit naughty but heavenly ♪
♪ In Heaven Sent ♪
Heaven Sent fragrance by Helena Rubinstein.
Spray it on and heavenly things happen.
Heaven Sent. Splash in it.
Laugh in it, live in it, love in it.
You'll find Heaven Sent fragrance in...
The next day,
and the next day and the next day
♪ Kentucky woman ♪
♪ She shines with her own kind of light ♪
♪ Seems this world's ♪
♪ Got you down ♪
♪ Your feelin' bad vibrations frown ♪
♪ Well, open your eyes, girl ♪
♪ Look at me ♪
♪ I'm gonna show you how it ought to be ♪
♪ We're gonna have a good thing ♪
♪ Such a good thing, baby ♪
♪ And when your world ♪
♪ Don't seem just right ♪
♪ And life's gettin' you uptight ♪
♪ You can change that wrong to right ♪
I-I-I've been meanin' to tell you,
the guy who gaffes this,
best friends with Randy...
the guy from The Green Hornet,
so, really ain't no point.
Hey, Randy.
Cliff.
So, you're still with Rick, huh?
Still here.
He in there?
Yeah, just knock.
Look, j-just put him into wardrobe, all right?
What's it gonna hurt? Then if you need him, you got him, right?
Then I gotta have a conversation with that wardrobe assistant,
and man, she's a fuckin' bitch, I just don't...
Look, look, Randy, I'm askin' you to help me out, man.
If the answer's no, the answer's no. Not-Not no with excuses.
Hey, man.
This ain't a fuckin' Andy McLaglen picture, you know.
And I can't afford to hire a bunch of guys to smoke cigarettes
and sit around talkin' to each other all day
on the chance that I might use 'em.
I got a four man team here, Rick.
I need more than that, I gotta get it approved.
And you know, I-I gotta look after my dudes.
Hey, a-and if your dudes were a better match for me,
I'd say, o-okay, you got me, b-b-but
but th-that's not the case and you know it.
He's a great fuckin' match for me.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Hey, you could do anything you want to him.
Shit, th-throw him off a building, right?
Light him on fire, hit him with a fucking Lincoln, right?
Get creative, do whatever you want.
He's just happy for the opportunity.
Rick.
Yeah.
I don't dig him.
And I don't dig the vibe he brings on set.
What, is there some old beef between you two?
Come on, man.
What?
The dude killed his fuckin' wife.
Oh... come on, man.
You don't believe that old shit, do you?
Yes, Rick, I do.
And I work with my wife and she believes it.
She didn't want his creepy ass around.
You know, this is probably the shittiest weather ever.
The shittiest weather on the shittiest boat
with the shittiest person.
Natalie, my sister, said, "He's a loser."
They all said it, "He's a fuckin' loser",
and I didn't believe them.
So, I guess I'm the fuckin' idiot.
And now you're not gonna talk to me?
What, you don't feel like fighting?
Well, I feel like fucking fight.
And I've been up here by myself for four hours
on this fucking shithole of a boat...
Yeah.
He's a goddamn war hero.
Okay, you fuckin' horse's ass.
Let's get you over to wardrobe.
Now, I'll put you in wardrobe,
but you don't stunt, I don't pay you.
Appreciate the opportunity, Randy. I won't let you down.
You know my wife, Janet, don't you?
Yeah.
Steer clear of her.
Now, I admire Cassius Clay, I do.
What I admire is
in his sport, there's an element of true combat.
When Cassius Clay meets Sonny Liston in the ring,
that's not two athletes posturing.
That's combat.
Two men trying to kill each other right now.
If you don't beat him,
he kills you.
That's beyond athletics.
That's beyond Wide World of Sports, you know?
That's two warriors engaged in combat.
That's what I admire.
In martial arts tournaments,
they won't let you fight like that. It's very frustrating.
You stand in front of a guy,
you just wanna let him have it.
But you can't.
So you gotta do this play-acting, pattycake version.
Cassius Clay, Sonny Liston, Joe Lewis.
The colored boxer, not that white kickboxing asshole.
They do what they need to do to win.
They unleash as much punishment as they have to
to defeat the other guy.
But in martial arts tournaments,
I do to win what they do to win.
I unleash all my power.
I kill people.
Well, if you fought Cassius Clay, who would win?
Well, that would never happen.
But if you did, what do you think would happen?
I'd make him a cripple.
Hey, you.
What's your name?
- Me? - Yeah, you.
My name's Cliff.
I'm Rick Dalton's stunt double.
Stuntman?
Yeah.
You know, you're kind of pretty for a stuntman.
That's what they tell me.
So, did I say something funny, stuntman?
- Yeah, you kinda did. - What's so funny?
Look, man, I don't want any trouble.
I'm just here to do a job.
But you're laughing at what I'm saying,
but I'm not saying anything funny.
So, what do you think is so funny?
What I think is...
you're a little man with a big mouth and a big chip.
And I think you should be embarrassed
to suggest that you'd be anything more
than a stain on the seat of Cassius Clay's trunks.
Brother...
you're the one with the big mouth.
And I would really enjoy closing it
especially in front of all my friends.
But my hands are registered as lethal weapons.
That means...
we get into a fight, I accidentally kill you,
I go to jail.
Anybody accidentally kills anybody in a fight, they go to jail.
It's called manslaughter.
And I think all that lethal weapon horseshit is just an excuse
so you dancers never have to get in a real fight.
Okay.
How about a friendly contest?
No punching in the face, two out of three.
Who puts who on the ground first.
Nobody tries to hurt nobody, just...
who ends up on their butt.
That's a great idea, Kato.
You know, Bruce, that guy's kinda famous.
That guy?
For what?
Killed his wife and got away with it.
That guy?
That guy.
Not bad, Kato.
Try that again.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!
What the fuck is going on here?
Hey, jackass, this is our series lead.
The fuck are you thinking?
You're right, Janet. I'm sorry about that.
Don't fucking Janet me, you prick.
Hey! What's up, babe?
"What's up", Randy is that your loser asshole
wife-killing buddy boy here
was beating the shit out of Bruce!
What?
Hey, Randy.
Cliff!
What the fuck, man?
Let me just say...
nobody beat the shit out of Bruce.
It was a friendly contest. He barely touched me.
I think that dent in the car says somethin' different.
Oh, my God!
What the fuck did you do to my car?
What the fuck did you do to her car?
I threw this little prick into it
but I did not know it was her car.
Get the wardrobe off,
get your shit
and get fucked!
- Janet! - What?
I will handle this.
Then, fucking handle it, Randy!
Cliff...
get the wardrobe off,
get your shit
and get off the lot.
Fair enough.
♪ Because I'm hungry for those good things, baby ♪
♪ Hungry through and through ♪
♪ I'm hungry for that sweet life, baby ♪
♪ With a real fine girl like you ♪
Aww, what's the matter?
You afraid I'll tell Jim Morrison
you were dancing to Paul Revere and the Raiders?
Are they not cool enough for you?
♪ Custom-tailored world ♪
♪ That I wanna own someday ♪
♪ With a special place up high ♪
Who's this shaggy asshole?
Hello, can I help you?
Oh, yeah, hey, man, I'm looking for Terry.
I'm a friend of Terry's and, uh, Dennis Wilson.
Well, Terry and Candy don't live here anymore.
This is the Polanski residence now.
Really? They moved?
Dang!
Uh, you know- you know where?
♪ 'Cause I'm hungry for those good things, baby ♪
♪ I'm hungry through and through ♪
Who is it, Jay?
It's okay, honey. It's a friend of Terry's.
You should take the back path.
Thanks for telling me.
- ♪ I can almost taste it now ♪ - Ma'am.
♪ Oh, it's sweet as wine ♪
♪ Ain't gonna waste it now ♪
♪ When it's finally mine ♪
♪ Gonna live each minute ♪
Hey, Rick!
I know we just broke for lunch,
but you need to wait at least an hour before you can eat.
Give the glue a chance to dry.
No worries, honey. I got my book.
Say, say...
Where's the bad guy saloon?
You just go straight to Western town,
take a right and a left and you'll see it right there.
Thanks, honey.
Hello.
Bother you if I sat next to you,
and read my book, too?
I don't know.
Would you bother me?
I'll try not to.
Sit.
Sorry. Sorry 'bout that.
You don't eat lunch?
I've got a scene after lunch.
Yeah?
Eating lunch before I do a scene makes me sluggish.
I believe it's the job of an actor,
and I say actor not actress
because the word actress is nonsensical.
It's the actor's job
to avoid impediments to their performance.
It's the actor's job
to strive for 100% effectiveness.
Naturally, we never succeed, but it's the pursuit
that's meaningful.
Who are you?
You can call me Mirabella.
Mi-Mirabella what?
Mirabella Lancer.
No, no, c-come on, W-What's your real name?
When we're on set,
I prefer to only be referred to by my character's name.
It helps me immerse in the reality of the story.
I've tried it both ways and I'm
always just a tiny bit better when I don't break character.
If I can be a tiny bit better...
I want to be.
You're the bad guy. Caleb DeCoteau.
Thought it was pronounced Caleb DeCoteau.
I'm pretty sure it's DeCoteau.
- DeCoteau. - Mm-hmm.
DeCoteau. DeCoteau.
What are you reading?
It's a biography on Walt Disney.
It's fascinating.
He's a genius, you know.
I mean, once in every 50 or 100 years kind of genius.
Wh-What are you, twelve?
I'm eight.
What are you reading?
Just a Western.
What does that mean? Is it good?
Pretty good.
What's the story?
Haven't finished it yet.
I didn't ask for the whole story.
What's the idea of the story?
Well... it's about, uh, this guy who's a bronco buster.
It's a story of his life.
The guy's name is Tom Breezy
but everyone always calls him Easy Breezy.
Now, when Easy Breezy was in his 20s and-and
young and good-lookin', he could
he could break any horse that you can throw at him.
Back then, he just had a way.
Now, he's into his, uh,
late 30s and takes a bad fall and messes up his hip
He's not... crippled or anything like that, but...
but he's got spine problems
he's never had before and he spends, uh,
more of his days in pain than he ever did before.
Jeepers, it sounds like a good novel.
Yeah, it's not bad.
Where are you in it?
About midway.
What's happening to Easy Breezy now?
Uh, he's, uh...
He's not the best anymore.
In fact, far from it.
He's comin' to terms of what it's like to be slightly more...
use...
Slightly more useless
each day.
I-It's okay, Caleb.
It's okay.
Sounds like a really sad book.
Poor Easy Breezy.
I'm practically cryin' and I haven't even read it.
About 15 years, you'll be livin' it.
What?
Nothin' pumpkinpuss.
I'm just...
I'm just teasin' ya.
You know somethin', you, uh...
you might be right about this book.
I think it hits harder than I gave it credit for.
I don't like names like "pumpkinpuss"...
but since you're upset...
we'll talk about that some other time.
♪ Yesterday a child came out to wonder ♪
♪ Caught a dragonfly inside a jar ♪
♪ Fearful when the sky was full of thunder ♪
♪ And tearful at the falling of a star ♪
♪ Then the child moved ten times round the seasons ♪
♪ Skated over ten clear frozen streams ♪
♪ Words like, when you're older, must appease him ♪
I'm only going as far as Westwood Village
Hey, beggars can't be choosers. Come on in.
♪ And the seasons they go round and round ♪
♪ And the painted ponies go up and down ♪
♪ We're captive on the carousel of time ♪
Thanks so much.
- Well, good luck on your adventure. - Thank you.
- Have a good time at Big Sur. - Thank you so much.
Take care.
Oh, hey.
Hello.
How can I help you, young lady?
I'm here to pick up a first edition
of Thomas Hardy's Tess of the d'Urbervilles I ordered.
It's under Polanski.
Yeah, you're talking books here, kid.
Oh, I know. Isn't it wonderful?
- I just read it. - Yeah?
I'm getting it as a gift for my husband.
- Rick Dalton? - You bet.
Jim Stacy.
It's my show. Welcome aboard.
We're real glad to have a pro like you playing the heavy on the pilot.
And I gotta tell ya...
I came damn close to being in The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey.
- No kiddin'? - Yeah!
I just got my part for sheer luck.
Up until two weeks before shootin', Fabian was in the part,
Th-Then he breaks his shoulder doing The Virginian,
that's how I got it, so.
Ah!
Hey, Rick, I gotta ask you somethin' I heard about.
Was it true you almost got the McQueen part in The Great Escape?
Hilts, isn't it?
Captain Hilts, actually.
- 17 escape attempts. - 18.
Never had an audition. Never had a meetin'.
N-Never met John Sturges.
So, no, I don't think you could say I...
I almost got the part.
Engineer?
Flyer.
I suppose you're what's called in American Army...
a hotshot pilot.
But, the story goes, for a brief moment,
McQueen almost passed on the movie
and in that brief moment,
I-I apprently was on the list of four.
You have other plans?
I haven't seen Berlin yet from the ground or from the air
and I plan on doing both before the war's over.
You and who?
Me... and the three Georges.
Which three Georges?
Peppard, Maharis, and Chakiris.
- Oh, man! - Yeah.
That's gotta hurt.
Yeah, well, I didn't get it.
McQueen did it.
And frankly, I never had a chance.
Ten days isolation, Hilts.
Captain Hilts.
20 days.
Right.
Oh, uh, you'll still be here when I get out?
Cooler.
One, please.
75 cents.
What if I'm in the movie?
What do you mean?
I mean, I'm in the movie.
I'm Sharon Tate.
You're in this?
Mm-hmm. I play Miss Carlson. The klutz.
That's me.
But that's the girl from Valley of the Dolls.
Well, that's me,
the girl from Valley of the Dolls.
- Really? - Really.
Hey, Ruben! Come out here.
This is the girl from Valley of the Dolls.
- Patty Duke? - No, the other one.
- The girl from Peyton Place? - No, the other one.
The one who ends up doing dirty movies.
Oh...
She's in this movie.
Oh.
Sharon Tate.
Well...
Welcome to the Bruin, Miss Tate.
Thank you for coming to our theater.
Would you like to come in and see the show?
Could I?
By all means.
Thank you.
Hey... can I get a picture?
Oh, sure!
You know, why don't you stand over by the poster?
So people will know who you are.
Okay.
Could you?
Would you like some refreshments?
- No, I'm fine, thank you. - Enjoy the show.
♪ Well now see ♪
♪ C. C. Rider ♪
♪ I said see, see ♪
♪ What you have done now ♪
♪ You made me love you ♪
♪ Na na na, now, your man has come ♪
♪ Alright ♪
Can I ask you a personal question?
I wish you would.
How did a nice boy like you
get involved with a group like The Heads?
I turned to them after I was rejected
by the Daughters of the American Revolution.
♪ I can't turn you loose ♪
♪ If I do, I'm gonna lose my mind, ba-baby ♪
♪ Do it baby, why don't ya? ♪
♪ Why don't you gimme everything I want ♪
♪ And it's for me alone ♪
Very pleasant hotel here.
- Mr. Helm. - Yes?
Oh!
I'm Freya.
Welcome to Denmark, Mr. Helm.
These are for you. Street maps, places of interest.
This is for you, too.
- Oh, what year was that? - 1949.
Oh, it's a very good year.
I'm here to help you in any way I can.
Well, that's very nice of you.
Is there anything you'd like for me to do?
Yes, ma'am, a couple of things.
Yes, sir?
Would you mind gettin' off my camera case, please?
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh, that's fine.
That's okay.
I'm sorry about...
Welcome to Denmark.
Some kind of hotel you got here.
Half a bottle's better than none.
That's far enough, jughead.
Name's not jughead.
What you doin' 'round here, boy?
I'm thirsty.
That's a saloon, ain't it?
Oh, yeah.
That's a saloon.
Only you can't come in.
Mr. Gilbert.
Don't let me stop you from earnin' your money.
I know how bored and restless you get when you run out of...
tamales.
But Mr. Gilbert, if I was you...
you'd find out that jughead's name.
Allow me to introduce the two of ya.
This here is Bob Gilbert.
The businessman?
That's right.
Business Bob Gilbert.
Who might he be, Caleb?
Oh, that's a fella by the name of Madrid.
Johnny Madrid.
Who's Johnny Madrid?
He ain't from 'round here.
No, really.
Who is he, Caleb?
Well, you're about to find out.
Businessman.
Ready when you are,
Gilbert.
Again, mas?
Johnny Madrid.
How long's it been?
Since that time in Juarez, 'bout...
three years ago.
Come on in, have a drink.
Hell, in that case...
buy you a drink, Caleb?
Sure, Johnny.
How 'bout some mezcal?
Like that time in Juarez.
A lot of people died that day.
Yes, they did.
But we had a good time.
Didn't we?
Yeah.
We did.
After you, DeCoteau.
Pepe!
Get your behind behind that bar, I have a guest.
Dos mezcal.
You have food?
Beans and tortillas.
How's some beans?
I've had worse.
Give us a plate of beans.
One dollar.
To my wife and all my sweethearts...
may they never meet.
Señor Madrid.
Would you care to join me at my table
where I entertain my guests?
I'd be delighted, Monsieur DeCoteau.
Take the bottle wit' ya.
So Johnny.
What brings you to Royal Del Hole?
Oh, you know me, Caleb.
The money.
And who's paying around here?
I hope you.
And what have you heard about me?
I heard about the Lancer Ranch,
all the cattle you've appropriated.
A lotta land, lotta cows, a lotta money,
no law to speak of,
and nothin' but an old man and some
Mexican ranch hands to shoo ya off.
Hey...
where's that chili pepper daughter of yours' fiddle?
She's asleep.
Wake her the heck up, get her down here
with her fiddle and her bow and entertain my guest.
Si, señor.
But please, don't hurt her this time.
I ain't gonna hurt her.
I just want her to play the fiddle.
Line?
Go... go fetch her and tell her what?
Go fetch her and tell her I'll give her
a fat five-dollar gold piece...
Right, right, go fetch her and tell her I'll give her a fat
fat five- fat five-dollar gold piece
if she played her little chili pepper heart out, right?
- Right. - Yeah.
I ain't gonna hurt her.
I just want her to play the fiddle.
Now, go fetch her and tell her
I'll give her a fat five-dollar gold piece
if she played her little chili pepper heart out.
Go on!
So, Johnny.
What else you heard, hmm?
I heard you're pushing Lancer pretty hard
but Lancer's got money.
At some point,
he's gonna hire some guns
and push back.
Line? Line, line, line...
Maybe he already has.
Maybe...
Goddammit! I fucked this whole thing up!
Damn, I fucked this whole thing up.
Just go back, please.
Could we just cut? Could we just cut?
- No, really, just say the fucking line! - No, Sam, please.
"Maybe he already has" "Maybe he already has"
Argh! Goddammit! Alright! Alright! Alright!
Whoo!
Goddamn outlaw, Rick. Come on now.
Hoo!
I got it. I got it.
Go back a bit, would you?
No, he's right. Back to one.
- Use all that anger, use it. - Oh, I'ma use it.
- You show me tough. - Mm-hmm.
And... action.
I heard you're pushing Lancer pretty hard.
But Lancer's got money.
At some point,
he's gonna hire some guns...
and push back.
Maybe he already has.
Maybe.
Maybe I don't like Lancer.
Maybe I don't like his boots.
Maybe I don't like the way he uses those boots
to step on people.
What the fuck was that?!
Jesus Christ!
Fuck!
Shit.
Damn it, Rick, you screwed up
the fucking lines!
Embarrass yourself like that in front of all those goddamn people!
You're drinkin' all night.
Fuckin' drinkin' again, eight goddamn
fuckin' whiskey sours.
Fuckin' bullshit.
You're a fuckin' miserable drunk.
Fuckin' remember your fuckin' lines.
I practiced 'em!
And now I don't look like I goddamn practiced 'em!
You're sittin' there like a fuckin' baboon...
Blah-blah-blah...
Duh-duh-duh...
Duh-duh-duh-duh. Fuck!
Eight fuckin' whiskey sours.
I couldn't stop at fuckin' three or four, I have eight?!
Why?
You're a fuckin' alcoholic, I drink too much!
Every fuckin' night! Every fuckin' night!
That's it, that's fuckin' it!
That's fuckin' it.
You stop drinkin' right now, alright?
Make a promise to yourself you'll stop fuckin' drinkin'.
Dammit!
You gonna show that fucking crew.
You gonna show that goddamn Jim Stacy.
You gonna show all them on that goddamn fuckin' set
who the fuck Rick Dalton is, alright?
Lemme tell you somethin'...
you don't get these lines right...
I'ma blow your fuckin' brains out tonight.
Alright?
Your brains are gonna be splattered all over your goddamn pool.
I mean it, motherfucker.
Get your shit together.
- Better? - That's great!
Ladies and gentlemen... the beat goes on.
♪ KHJ Los Angeles ♪
3:31 in Los Angeles. This is The Real Don Steele.
♪ I know that it's ten ♪
♪ And you're stayin' in ♪
♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ And you're stayin' home ♪
♪ And I'm all alone ♪
♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Won't you won't you Won't you bring a little water ♪
♪ Bring a little wine ♪
♪ Bring a little lovin' ♪
♪ I feel fine ♪
♪ Know that you want to ♪
♪ I know that you do ♪
♪ Come in here and love with me ♪
♪ Hot August night ♪
♪ And the leaves hanging down ♪
♪ And the grass on the ground ♪
♪ Smelling sweet ♪
♪ Move up the road ♪
♪ To the outside of town ♪
♪ And the sound of that good gospel beat ♪
Hey! ♪ Sits a ragged tent ♪
Hi!
♪ Where there ain't no trees ♪
♪ And that gospel group ♪
Whoo!
♪ Tellin' you and me ♪
♪ It's Love, Brother Love, say ♪
♪ Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show ♪
Fuck you, you fucking pig!
♪ Pack up the babies ♪
♪ And grab the old ladies ♪
♪ And everyone goes ♪
♪ 'Cause everyone knows ♪
♪ Brother Love's show ♪
Hello, hotstuff.
Looks like third time's the charm.
Mmm.
How were those pickles?
Real good.
They were the fancy kind.
Mmm.
Gimme a lift?
Where you goin'?
I'm going to Chatsworth.
Chatsworth?
You hitch up and down Burbank Boulevard all day
till someone says they'll dive you to Chatsworth?
Tourists love to drive me.
I'm their favorite part of their L.A. vacation, you know.
They'll be telling stories about
a Hollywood hippie girl
that took them for a ride at the Movie Ranch
for the rest of their lives.
Wait, Spahn Movie Ranch?
Yeah.
That's where you're going, Spahn Movie Ranch?
Uh-huh.
W-Why you goin' there?
I live there.
Alone?
No.
Me and my friends.
So, you and a bunch of friends like you
all live at Spahn Movie Ranch?
Yeah.
Well, hop in, I'll take you there.
Great!
♪ And when your heart is troubled ♪
♪ You gotta reach out your other hand ♪
♪ Reach it out to the man up there ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what he's there for ♪
You wanna go down here and get on the Hollywood Freeway.
I know where it is.
Are you some old cowboy guy that
used to make movies there?
Whoa!
What?
Surprised how accurate that description of me really is.
Some old cowboy guy who used to shoot movies at Spahn Ranch.
You used to...
make Westerns at the ranch back in the old-timey days?
Well, if by the old-timey days
you mean television eight years ago...
yeah.
You an actor?
No, I'm a stuntman.
Stuntman.
That's way better.
Why is that way better?
Actors are phony.
Oh.
They just say lines that other people write
and pretend to murder people on their...
stupid TV shows.
Meanwhile, real people are being murdered every day
in Vietnam.
♪ Hey, little girl in the high school sweater ♪
♪ Gee, but I'd like to know you better ♪
♪ Just a-swingin' your books and chewin' gum ♪
♪ Lookin' just like a juicy plum ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, little girl ♪
Want me to suck your cock while driving?
♪ Hey, little girl in the black silk stockings ♪
♪ Gee, but you got my heart rockin' ♪
How old are you?
What?
How old are you?
Wow, man.
First time anybody asked that in a long time.
What's the answer?
Okay.
You wanna play kiddie games?
18.
Feel better?
Got some ID, you know,
like a driver's license or somethin'?
Are you joking?
No, I'm not.
I need to see somethin' official to verify that you're 18
which you don't have
because you're not.
Talk about a bring down bummer, dude.
That's you.
Yeah.
Obviously,
I'm not too young to fuck you.
But obviously, you are too old to fuck me.
What I'm too old to do is go to jail for poontang.
Prison's tryin' to get me all my life,
ain't got me yet.
The day it does...
it won't be because of you.
No offense.
You all right, honey?
She's just fine, ain't you, shorty?
I'm fine, Scott.
He hasn't touched you.
Camera's ready, Mr. Dalton.
Be right out.
The war.
I rode with the British cavalry...
Lancer's boys are here!
The old man here?
Nada.
But the son is.
Ah.
The one from Boston.
Don't know.
You from Boston?
Yes.
It's the Boston one!
Keep the others outside.
The brother come in.
You heard him, Boston.
Come on in, Boston.
See, honey?
I told you they'd come to parlay.
You all right, honey?
Ah, she's just fine.
Ain't you, shorty?
I'm fine, Scott.
They haven't hurt you?
Not yet, I ain't.
But that can all change...
like that.
Say...
where'd you get that limp?
From the war.
Which side?
I rode with the British cavalry in India.
What'd they call that outfit?
Bengal Lancers.
Now, now, now, now, that is funny. That is funny.
That's not so funny.
Don't you get it?
Bengal... Lancer. Hmm?
Oh, yeah.
- That is kind of funny. - It is.
You do know kidnapping is a hanging offense.
So is blowin' the heads off little girls.
They can only hang me once.
Right?
So...
You come down here for a... for a Boston social?
Or we gonna talk price?
How much?
I'd say...
50 thousand dollars'd buy me
a whole lotta chicken mole in Mexico.
It's a lot of money.
Well, she's a lotta little girl.
Or don't you agree?
I agree.
So, what's next?
Well, I'll send one of my boys out to your ranch
to fill you in on all the details, but, uh...
the one detail I'm gonna fill you in on right now is this...
I don't want no beaner bronco buster
handin' me that $50,000,
I want the old man himself...
Murdoch Lancer
puts $50,000 in my lap!
Or I'll heave this little pitcher down the well!
You got that, Boston?!
Ha?!
Yeah.
Alright, messenger boy...
deliver my message.
Give me evil, sexy Hamlet...
Settle into it...
Enjoy it...
And cut!
Oh, boy.
I didn't hurt you there, Mirabella, with that throw, did I?
No, no, no, I'm good. I've got pads on.
I always throw myself on the floor, just for fun,
even when I'm not getting paid.
Next plate.
Rick, Rick, Rick! Put her there!
- Oh. - That was it!
That was absolutely fantastic. I loved it!
Hey, and your idea about
throwing the little girl on the ground,
that just worked like a charm.
- You said Shakespeare. - Oh, that's right!
And that's what I mean by 'scare me'.
Yeah.
Evil Hamlet scares people!
All right.
Oh, and by the way...
"beaner bronco buster"?
Where the hell did that come from?
Improv.
It's wonderful.
It's a triple alliterative improv.
Don't get those too often.
- Okay! We're all good! - All right.
- Don't need to go again? - No, we're done.
That was fantastic!
Okay, we're moving on. We're in the bordello.
Next set up.
That was the best acting I've ever seen in my whole life.
Thank you.
Rick fucking Dalton.
That's a car.
That's a strange car.
Snake, go see who's outside.
So, who is it?
I ain't sure yet.
Bitchin' yellow Coupe de Ville.
Keep an eye on it.
Come on.
Where the hell is everybody?
Hey, where's Gypsy?
She's down by the chop shop.
- Hey! - Hello!
Gypsy, I want you to come meet my new friend.
Some old lookin' dude on a Hawaiian shirt
who just gave Pussycat a ride home.
He just give her a lift?
Nope.
She's bringing him down the ranch to meet everybody.
Stay by the door,
tell me if he starts comin' this way.
- Welcome to our community. - Thanks for having me.
And thank you for giving our precious Pussy a ride home.
Think nothin' of it.
We love Pussy.
Yes, we do.
Where is everybody? Where's the children?
Everybody left for Santa Barbara.
Really?
Charlie's gone? Everybody left?
Well, not everybody everybody but mostly everybody.
Dag.
I really wanted Cliff to meet Charlie.
I think Charlie's really gonna dig ya.
- Hey, Delilah. - Well, maybe next time.
Yeah, you gotta come back.
- Yeah? - Yeah, sure would.
How's it all comparing to your glory days?
Well, things have changed.
Not a bad mount, Connie.
I used to ride horses every day back in Tennessee.
- Is that right? - Every day?
Well, every week.
All right.
She's a darlin'.
So... my name is Lulu.
This is Tex.
We're gonna be leading you on a great trail ride
to the beautiful Santa Susana canyon.
Now, uh...
Curt, I hear you're already an experienced rider.
Yes.
- Yeah, and so are you, Connie? - Yes, I am.
Tex, come here.
So, uh...
you're both experienced riders, I guess, uh...
we'll just make this ride about having fun!
Ready to have some fun?
So, uh, Pussycat brought back some guy with her.
Gypsy wants you to go give him a looksee.
Yeah, sure thing.
Oh, and here's someone you actually have to meet.
One of our most favorite sons.
Tex, come over here and say hi to Cliff.
- Howdy, Cliff. - Tex.
What part of Texas you from?
Uh, place you never heard of.
Copeville.
Ever been to Houston?
'Course I have.
Yeah, spent two weeks once on a Houston chain gang
in August, no less.
That don't sound like a whole lotta fun.
It's the last cop's jaw I ever broke
I can tell ya that.
Man.
Charlie's gonna dig you.
The Hawaiian guy seems to be okay.
Everybody's talkin' all friendly.
Tex checked him out and now he's riding away.
He comes this way, let me know.
Hey, does George Spahn still own this ranch?
Yeah, George still owns it.
Does he still live here?
Yeah.
Does he still live... right there?
Yeah.
Is he here now?
I guess so.
So, George gave you all permission to be here.
'Course he did.
And you all take care of him.
Oh, we take care of George.
We love George.
Well, is there anything wrong
with me saying hello to an old friend?
You can't see him right now.
Why can't I see him right now?
'Cause he's napping.
This is his naptime.
Well, I think I'll just go see for myself.
You never know.
He mighta just woke up.
The Hawaiian guy's coming this way.
Okay, ya'll, beat it.
I'll handle this guy.
♪ Every day, it's just fake it ♪
♪ Let me show you a new place ♪
♪ Add it to your collection ♪
♪ Shine on down for this baby of mine ♪
♪ Mr. Moon, come on through ♪
♪ When Mr. Sun goes we'll be counting on you ♪
♪ Mr. Sun, make it fine ♪
♪ Shine on down for this baby of mine ♪
♪ Mr. Moon, come on through ♪
You the mama bear?
Can I help you?
I hope so.
I'm an old friend of George's, thought I'd stop and say hello.
Well, that's very nice of you,
but unfortunately, you picked the wrong time.
George is taking a nap right now.
Oh, that is unfortunate.
Yes, it is.
What's your name?
Cliff Booth.
How do you know George?
I used to shoot Westerns here at the ranch.
When was the last time you saw George?
Oh, I'd say about...
eight years ago.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize the two of you were so close.
Well, when he wakes up, I'll let him know you came by.
I'd really like to say a quick hello now, while I'm here.
Came a long ways.
Don't know when I'll get back this way again.
Oh, I understand but I'm afraid that's impossible.
Impossible.
Why is that impossible?
Because me and George like to watch TV on Sunday nights.
FBI and Bonanza
but George finds it hard to keep awake that late
so I make him take a nap around now
so I don't get tripped out of my George's TV time.
Well, look, red,
I'm comin' in there.
With my own two eyes,
I'm gonna get a good look at George.
And this...
ain't stoppin' me.
Okay.
Suit yourself.
You never know.
The next boy you meet may be the one.
So clean, it's actually good for your skin.
So fresh and natural looking,
you're always ready for next time.
And you never know,
the next boy you meet may be the one.
Sparkling drop of Retsyn.
He back there?
Door at the end of the hallway.
You might have to shake him awake,
I fucked his brains out this morning.
He may be tired.
Oh, Mister Eight-Years-Ago...
George is blind.
So you'll probably have to tell him who you are.
George, you awake?
George?
George!
Hi, George.
- What's going on? - Everything's all right.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
Who are you?
It's Cliff Booth.
Just stopped in to say hello and see how you're doin'.
John Wilkes Booth?
Cliff Booth.
Who's that?
I-I used to shoot Bounty Law here, George.
I was Rick Dalton's stunt double.
Who?
Rick Dalton.
The Dalton brothers...?
Rick Dalton.
Who's that?
He was the star of Bounty Law.
Who are you?
I was Rick's stunt double.
Rick... who?
It don't matter, George.
We were colleagues from the past and I just wanted to...
make sure you're doin' okay.
I'm not doin' okay.
What's the matter?
Can't see shit!
Would you call that "the matter"?
The man can't see shit, okay?
I'm sorry about that.
I was told... Squeaky sent me to bed.
Would that be the little redhead out front?
What the fuck is the matter with you?
First, you wake me up,
and now you're pretending that I didn't tell you
I was fucking blind!
How am I gonna know
what the hell color the head of the girl is
that's with me all the time?
Oh, fair enough, George.
No, it's all right.
Everyone don't need a stuntman.
I don't know who you are...
but you touched me today.
You came to visit me.
Now I gotta go back to sleep.
I gotta watch FBI tonight.
And I watch it with Squeaky.
She gets all pissed off if I fall asleep.
What happens if she gets pissed off, George?
Nothin'.
I just don't like to disappoint her.
So, you gave all these hippies permission to be here?
Just who the fuck are you?
I'm Cliff Booth.
I'm your stuntman.
We used to work together, George.
I just wanna make sure that you're okay.
That all these hippies aren't taking advantage of ya.
- Squeaky? - Yeah.
She loves me.
So, suck on that.
Take care, George.
Goddammit.
You embarrassed me.
Yeah, sorry 'bout that.
How'd your little talk with George go?
Are we kidnapping him?
Not the word I'd use.
Well, now that you've talked to him,
do you believe everything's all right?
Not exactly.
This was a mistake, you should leave!
Way aheada 'ya
George isn't blind!
You're the blind one!
♪ Baby I've been thinkin' 'bout ♪
♪ Runnin' away from you ♪
♪ After all you said and done ♪
♪ Don't wanna stay with you ♪
♪ It seemed like everything we could have done ♪
♪ Has passed us by ♪
♪ Yeah, I got to get movin' ♪
♪ I'm tired of groovin' ♪
♪ With someone who can't get high ♪
♪ Don't chase me around ♪
♪ You're bringin' me down ♪
♪ I don't want to play by your rules ♪
♪ My life is my own ♪
♪ So leave me alone ♪
♪ I don't want to be your fool ♪
You do that?
You know, that's not my car.
That's my boss' car.
And if somethin' were to happen to my boss' car,
well, I get in trouble.
But lucky for you, he's got a spare.
♪ Don't chase me around ♪
♪ You're bringin' me down ♪
♪ I don't want to play by your rules ♪
♪ Don't chase me around ♪
Fix it.
Fuck you.
♪ My life is my own ♪
♪ So leave me alone ♪
♪ I don't want to be your fool ♪
Ladies.
Come one step closer and I will knock his teeth out!
Fix it.
Can I just get a rag to wipe my face first?
Nope.
Tire first.
Sundance...
Get on a horse, go get Tex,
and get his ass down here.
Tex! Hey!
That Hawaiian guy's back at the ranch, he's kicking Clem's face in.
Ah, suck this!
I'll take over for Tex.
Right this way.
It's 5:00 in Los Angeles.
♪ 93 KHJ ♪
♪ All the leaves are brown ♪
Clem you alright?
♪ And the sky is gray ♪
♪ I went for a walk ♪
♪ On a winter's day ♪
♪ I'd be safe and warm ♪
♪ If I was in L.A. ♪
♪ Oh, California Dreamin' ♪
♪ On such a winter's day, hey ♪
♪ I went into a church ♪
♪ I stopped along the way ♪
♪ Well, I got down on my, on my, on my bended knees ♪
♪ And I began to pray ♪
♪ You know the preacher did succumb ♪
♪ He knows I'm going to stay ♪
♪ Yes, he knows 'cause I told him so ♪
♪ Oh, California dreamin' ♪
♪ On such a winter's day, yeah ♪
Will you, uh, will you come in and watch my FBI?
Well, I just figured we would.
I got a six-pack in the back, thought we'd order a pizza.
All right.
18 miles to Pendleton, Louis.
Any kinda luck, we'll be unloading, back in El Toro
before my kids go to bed.
Hey...
bought me an acid-dipped cigarette today.
Oh, yeah?
You wanna buy a cigarette dipped in acid?
Yeah.
If I'm gonna trip, I'm gonna trip here, man,
walkin' the woods, not my home.
Just gonna stash it here, don't smoke it by mistake.
You wanna smoke some, smoke some, just save me some.
No, I don't need to trip out on no acid.
My booze don't need no buddy.
Whup, whoop...
- Here I come. Here I come. - Hup, hup.
What's the trouble, Corporal?
Truck tailin' us, sir.
Might be a farmer in a hurry to get some place.
Fine.
Ah, take it as fast as you can.
Yes, sir.
This PCH?
Yeah, yeah. Malibu.
Puerto Canyon, some shit.
Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
Boom!
Oh, man, right in the face.
That was a smooth leap.
Thank you.
Dead number two.
I like that shot.
That guy's a fuckin' prick.
That's Bobby Hogan, good guy.
Alright, get ready for my big FBI moment.
They're all dead, babe.
Good.
Michael Murtaugh.
- The F.B.I. - Michael Murtaugh.
Buongiorno, Sergio.
Turn on channel seven.
ABC, FBI.
I'm watching your Nebraska Jim as we speak.
William Reynolds
With guest stars James Farentino
- Rick Dalton - Whoo!
That chewing gum.
Norman Fell
Strong.
Tonight's episode:
- All the Streets are Silent - All the streets are silent.
'Cept when Rick Dalton's got a fuckin' shotgun, I'll tell ya that.
You're goddamn right.
That looks delicious.
- Thank you. - Enjoy, sir.
Mm, mm, mm, mm... mm.
After that Musso and Frank's lunch meeting,
Marvin did provide Rick job opportunities
in the Italian film industry.
Rick Dalton, Marvin Schwarz here. Hold on.
Hennessy XO on the rocks.
Yes, Mr. Schwarz.
Two words: Nebraska Jim, Sergio Corbucci.
N-Nebraska what? Sergio who?
Sergio Corbucci.
And who's that.
The second best director of Spaghetti Westerns
in the whole, wide world.
He's doing a new Western, it's called Nebraska Jim.
And because of me, he's considering you.
Well, Rick got Nebraska Jim.
And Rick made a rather compelling Nebraska Jim
existing quite nicely within
Sergio Corbucci's rogues' gallery of antiheroes.
In Rome, Rick loved the paparazzi
and the fuss they made over him
and his Nebraska Jim co-star, Daphna Ben-Cobo
Right there, paparazzo.
What about me-a Rick!
He loved the food so much
that during his stay, Rick gained almost 15 pounds.
But he didn't love the Italians' way of making movies.
In fact, he thought the post synched
every actor speaks their own language
Tower of Babel shooting style of European movies
was ridiculous.
While in Rome,
Marvin plugged Rick into three other Italian productions.
His second Western was
Kill Me Quick, Ringo, Said the Gringo.
Also starring Joseph Cotten
and directed by Calvin Jackson Padget
pseudonym for Giorgio Ferroni.
His third was an Italian-Spanish co-production
that paired him with Telly Savalas titled, Red Blood, Red Skin.
directed by Joaquin Romero Marchant
and based on the Floyd Ray Wilson novel,
The Only Good Indian is a Dead Indian.
And his fourth,
a spaghetti secret agent James Bond ripoff type flick called,
Operazione Dyn-o-mite!
Directed by Antonio Margheriti.
Ultimately making Rick's
six-month Italian sojourn fairly profitable.
Although his swank Roman apartment
ate up a big chunk of his earnings.
So, as Rick return to Hollywood via Pan-Am...
he has four new movies under his belt,
some money in his pocket,
and his brand spanking new Italian wife
Scarlett Francesca Capucci.
Hurtling through the air towards a new life
and uncertain future,
Rick was really not sure about what lay ahead for him.
Way back in coach,
working on his bottomless Bloody Mary,
Cliff Booth returned to Los Angeles as well.
He kept Rick company during his entire six-month stay in Italy.
However, as the two men returned home,
they've come to an understanding.
Here it goes now.
With the, uh...
with the new wife, I, uh...
I just, I-I can't afford you anymore, Cliff.
You know.
I could barely afford my own house anymore.
So, the plan is to...
sell the house and buy...
buy a condo i-in Toluca Lake,
bank the money, you know, live off it, that type of thing.
Hopefully I'll score come next pilot season.
It's a good plan.
Yeah.
But I don't know if I have a career or not, if...
I'm a solid Los Angeles citizen like Eddie O'Brien says
or if I'm one step closer to
going back to Missouri.
When this whole European journey's over,
I think we've, uh...
we've reached the end of the trail, Cliff.
So, these last four Italian flicks,
after nine years together,
would be Rick and Cliff's final rodeo.
Cliff doesn't have a clue what he's gonna do.
The only thing the two men know of for sure,
tonight, Rick and Cliff will have a good, old-fashioned drunk.
Both men know once the plane touches down in El Segundo,
it'll be an end of an era for both of them.
When you come to the end of the line with a buddy who is
more than a brother and a little less than a wife,
getting blind drunk together
is really the only way to say farewell.
♪ You don't know what's going on ♪
♪ You've been away for much too long ♪
♪ You can't come back ♪
♪ And think you are still mine ♪
♪ You're out of touch, my baby ♪
♪ My poor old-fashioned baby ♪
♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ You're out of time ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you're out of time ♪
♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ You're out of time ♪
♪ Yes, you are left out ♪
♪ Yes, you are left out, yes, you're ♪
♪ Left out of there without a doubt 'cause ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you're out of time ♪
Where do you want it?
Hello?
Hey, it's Joanna and the baby.
Hi! Come on up.
♪ But you can't come back ♪
♪ And be the first in line ♪
Hi!
Oh, pretty!
How are you?
♪ My poor unfaithful baby ♪
Oh, my God, Sharon, it's perfect.
Girl.
♪ Baby, baby ♪
That's good.
♪ You're out of time ♪
♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ You're out of time ♪
Aha!
♪ Left out of there without a doubt 'cause ♪
Thanks, Julie.
Bye, Brandy.
♪ You're out of time ♪
Sharon had two friends move into the Cielo Drive residence
while Roman was in London preparing his next movie.
Voytek Frykowski
and old friend of Roman's from Poland
and his girlfriend, social worker, Abigail Folger
heiress to the vast Folger coffee empire.
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you're out of time ♪
♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ You're out of time ♪
♪ Yes, you are left out ♪
♪ Yes, you're ♪
♪ I said you're ♪
♪ Left out of there without a doubt 'cause ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you're out of time ♪
♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪
That night, Sharon, her two houseguests and naturally, Jay,
all went to the West Hollywood Mexican restaurant landmark
El Coyote on Beverly for dinner.
What's going on at the dirty movie place?
They're having a premiere.
Dirty movies have premieres?
Yeah, they're fun!
I know.
Right here for you.
Gentlemen.
While closer to 8:30,
Rick and Cliff went to the Valley Mexican restaurant landmark
Casa Vega on Ventura.
Well, well, well, if it ain't the cobra himself.
Hey, Doug, what's happening?
Hey, Rick, how you doing? It's good to see you.
How's the wife doing?
Just kidding.
Brandy stayed behind at Rick's house
guarding the beautiful Italian woman asleep in her bed
and waiting for Cliff and Rick to come home
while jet lagged Francesca slept.
But you just get paid for the day that you cut his hair though, right?
No, no, I get paid a thousand dollars a day.
I get paid a thousand dollars the day I arrive...
At El Coyote, margaritas and good times were had by all
except Sharon.
Sharon was experiencing
a touch of pregnancy-induced melancholy.
Not only that, it was later reported
that it was the hottest night of the year.
And it made her feel especially pregnant in all the worst ways.
Hungover, I don't wanna party anymore, I'm tired.
He just got it done.
No, it's not 'cause he just got it done.
He got just as much time as all the rest of the goddamn directors.
But it's what he did with that time.
At Casa Vega, Rick and Cliff drank so much
that when they left, they left the Cadillac there
and took a cab home.
The greatest action director,
underrated guy of all time.
Around 10:00, Sharon and her friends left El Coyote
and arrived back at her house.
I had like, 19 margaritas.
The four of them hung out a little while longer
with Abigail even playing the piano for them.
♪ Don't get me mad ♪
♪ Don't tell no lie ♪
♪ Don't make me sad ♪
♪ Don't pass me by ♪
♪ Baby are you holding ♪
♪ Holding anything but me? ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a real ♪
♪ Straight shooter if you know what I mean ♪
♪ You can bring me love ♪
♪ You can hang around ♪
♪ You can bring me up ♪
♪ Don't you bring me down ♪
Until she returned to her room,
smoked a joint and read a book.
That was around 11:00.
I love you, too, Charles.
And now it's time for what I know you've all been waiting for.
A little fanfare please?
At more or less the same time,
Voytek laid on the couch watching American television
and thought about how much better it was than Polish television
as he smoked a big joint.
Somewhere around 11:10,
Sharon changed into her comfy house attire.
Feel better?
Drastically better.
It was after 11:45
by the time the yellow cab dropped Rick and Cliff
in front of the house.
Hey, right here for you.
Grazie, amico.
Brandy was glad to see them return.
More margaritas.
Around midnight, a completely drunk Rick Dalton
started making a blender of frozen margaritas.
All right.
We're walkin'.
At the same time, Cliff was attaching a leash
to an excited Brandy's dog collar.
I remember you.
A cigarette dipped in acid. What's that do?
You smoke it, it gets you high.
- How much? - 50 cents.
50 cents.
Hippie girl, 50 cents.
Tonight the night?
Why not?
Away we go.
Our Polish friend
said it was the hottest day of the year.
Despite the fact that he said it,
actually, it might be true.
♪ I used to live in New York City ♪
♪ Everything there was dark and dirty ♪
♪ Outside my window was a steeple ♪
♪ With a clock that always said twelve thirty ♪
♪ Young girls are coming to the canyon ♪
♪ And in the mornings I can see them walking ♪
♪ I can no longer keep my blinds drawn ♪
♪ And I can't keep myself ♪
Fuckin' private road.
Property taxes up the butt.
God damn.
Bunch of goddamn fuckin' hippies.
What the fuck?
Hey, you!
Yeah, asshole! I'm talkin' to you!
The hell do you think you're doin'
bringin' that noisy hunk o' shit around here at midnight?
This is a private road, all right?
Who are you?
And who are you here to see, huh?
Nobody, sir. We just got lost. I'm a little turned around.
Ah, horseshit.
Fuckin' hippies came up here to smoke dope on a dark road, huh?
Next time you wanna try that, fix your fuckin' muffler.
Look, we're really sorry we disturbed you.
Look, chief, you don't belong here.
Now take this mechanical asshole
and get it off my fuckin' street!
Hey!
Dennis Hopper!
Move this fuckin' piece of shit.
All right, well, just give me a moment to turn it around.
Well, drive it backwards, numbnuts.
Fuckin' drive it and drive it now!
Okay, okay, stop yellin'.
Hold your horses. We're leavin'.
♪ Coming to the canyon ♪
The hell you lookin' at, you little ginger hair fucker?
Hey, come around here again, I'm gonna call the fuckin' cops.
Dirty fuckin' hippies.
Very fancy fucking house, thinks we're animals.
But he's seen us.
He's awake. He's awake.
They're all awake.
They're listening to fucking records.
Everybody's fucking awake!
Look!
What did Charlie say?
He said...
"Go to Terry's old house
"and kill everybody in there."
And you heard him yourself.
He said make it witchy.
Now, he either said that...
or I'm a liar.
Now, are anyone o' you...
calling me a liar?
Hmm?
How about you?
Are you calling me a liar?
No, of course not.
Good.
Hold it.
Was that Rick Dalton?
Who?
The guy from Bounty Law.
Who, Jake Cahill?
Yeah! That guy in the road was Jake Cahill.
Ho... wait a minute.
That was fucking Jake Cahill that just yelled at us?
He was older, but yeah, I think so.
Who's this Rick guy?
Jesus Christ, Sadie, get it together!
Rick Dalton played Jake Cahill
on a cowboy show in the 50s called Bounty Law.
Fuck you, Katie.
Sorry I don't know the name of every fascist dog TV in the 50s.
I can't believe that asshole in the road
was Jake Cahill!
When I was a kid, I had a Bounty Law lunch box.
That was my favorite of all my lunch boxes.
Dig this...
You've been having our trip session,
I've been expanding on this one idea in my head.
Alright, dig it.
We all grew up watchin' TV, you know what I mean?
And if you grew up watchin' TV,
that means you grew up watchin' murder.
Every show on TV that wasn't I-I Love Lucy
was about murder.
So, my idea is...
we kill the people who taught us to kill.
I mean, where the fuck are we, man?
We are in fucking Hollywood, man!
The people an entire generation
grew up watching kill people live here.
And they live in pigshit fucking luxury.
I say, fuck 'em.
I say we cut their cocks up and make 'em eat it.
That's a great idea, Sadie.
You two ready to kill some pigs?
Wait a minute.
Uh, shit.
Sor... I forgot my knife in the car.
Can I go- Can I go back and get it?
- Yeah, sure. - Okay.
- Wait a minute. - What?
I locked the car. You'll need keys to get in.
Oh.
Right.
Thank you.
Okay. I'll be right back.
Hurry up.
Yes, uh, just-just a little minute.
Ooh, that fucking bitch!
Shhh, calm down.
There's a fuckin' house right there.
What do we do now?
Well, we do what we came to do.
And when we're done, we just split up and hitch home.
Any more questions, hmm?
Okay, pig killers.
Let's kill some piggies.
Oh, somebody's hungry.
All right.
It's feedin' time.
Brandy, couch.
And don't you move.
Oh, man...
Aaah...
The train has left the station.
Aaaah!
Aaah!
Bad idea.
Whoa.
♪ Eighty men tried ♪
♪ And eighty men died ♪
♪ Now they're buried together ♪
♪ On the countryside ♪
♪ Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more ♪
♪ The Bloody Red Baron ♪
♪ Was rollin' up the score ♪
You go around there.
See if there's a back entrance.
All right, go.
Hey.
I am doing the best I can, under the circumstances.
Now, I do not want to get into it tonight.
Haa... can I help you?
Shit.
How many other people are here?
Oh, just the one sleepin' on the back there.
Well, get him, bring him into the living room.
What if he says no?
Don't take no for an answer. You're the one with the knife.
Get him in here!
Hey.
You are real, right?
We're as real as a doughnut, motherfucker.
Go to the living room.
What is going on-ah?
Go!
Okay.
Who the fuck's that?
I don't know.
Francesca.
Oh...
Uh, wha...?
Oh, I know you.
I know all three of you.
Yeah! Spahn Ranch!
Spahn Ranch, yeah.
Hoo!
I don't know your name, but...
I remember that hair.
And you, I remember your white, little face.
And you were on a horsie!
Yeah.
Uh... you are...
I'm the devil.
And I'm here to do the devil's business.
Nah, it was dumber than that, somethin' like... Rex...
Gad, shoot 'im, Tex!
Tex!
Son of a bitch!
Hey, you.
How dare you come into my house, motherfucker!
♪ Keep me hangin' on ♪
♪ Get out of my life ♪
♪ Why don't you babe? ♪
♪ Get out of my life ♪
♪ Why don't you babe? ♪ Well, I'll be...
What the fuck?!
Jesus Christ!
Holy shit.
Francesca!
Francesca, honey!
Sir, around what time was it that you confronted the intruders?
About, uh, about midnight.
- Around midnight? - Yeah.
How do you know it was midnight?
Well... I was, uh... I was in the kitchen, uh...
makin' margaritas and, uh...
I heard the sound of a noisy muffler,
I looked up at the clock, it said, uh...
the kitchen clock said midnight.
12:00 exactly?
It could've been 12:05, somethin' like that.
And you didn't see 'em again
until the woman attacked you in the pool?
No. No.
What did these perpetrators do?
Perpetrators? They were hippie assholes.
Two of 'em burst through the front door there...
And the guy hippie said he was the devil.
And he said, "I'm here to...
do some... devil shit."
It's not verbatim, but...
Some devil shit?
Yeah, devil shit.
And away we go!
W-W-Wait a minute.
What hospital you goin' to, Cliff? I'll meet you there, huh?
Ah, you don't wanna meet me in no hospital.
Why don't you take care of your lady?
Hey, she just took five fuckin' sleeping pills.
She'll be asleep till Columbus Day.
You guys'll probably have to
come out here again just to wake her ass up.
Hey, I'm not gonna die, I may get a limp
but I ain't gonna die, it's not my time yet, man.
All right? No use waitin' in some waitin' room.
Why don't you go lie naked with that fine creature?
Come visit me tomorrow. Bring bagels.
You wanna do somethin' for me, check on Brandy.
She may be a little shook up after that.
She may wanna sleep with ya.
Are you kiddin' me?
She's sleeping with Francesca right now.
You might never get her back.
We gotta go.
All right then, Cliff.
See you tomorrow, then.
Hey! Hey...
You're a good friend, Cliff.
I try.
Hello?
Hey.
I'm Jay Sebring, I'm a friend of the Polanskis.
You're Rick Dalton, right?
Yeah, yeah... I'm Rick Dalton.
- I live next door. - Oh, I know.
I tease Sharon that she lives next door to Jake Cahill.
If she ever wants to put a bounty on Roman's head,
she just has to go next door, right?
No shit?
What the fuck happened?
Oh, these... these fucking hippie weirdos, th-they...
they broke into my house.
What do you mean, like, trying to rob you?
I don't know what the fuck they wanted...
Were they robbin' me? I don't know, were they...
freakin' out on some bummer trip?
Who knows, but...
they tried to kill my wife and my buddy.
Jesus Christ, are you serious?
Yeah, I'm fuckin' serious.
My buddy and his dog killed two of 'em, and, uh...
shit, I... torched the last one.
- Torched? - Yeah.
I burned her ass to a crisp.
How'd you do that?
Believe it or not, I...
I got a flamethrower in my tool shed.
From The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey?
Yeah!
Yeah.
Th-That's the one.
It still works, too.
Thank God.
Hey, is everybody okay?
Well...
the fuckin' hippies aren't.
That's for goddamn sure.
Yeah.
But I'm fine, you know, uh...
my wife's fine, we're just, uh...
a little shook up, is all.
Oh, my God, that's terrifying.
Yeah.
Jay, honey, is everything all right?
Everything's okay now, honey.
Uh, but hippies broke into the house next door.
Oh, my God.
Well, that's terrifying.
Is everybody okay?
I'm talking to your next door neighbor about it right now.
Rick Dalton?
Yeah! That's me.
Oh! Well, hello, neighbor.
Everybody okay?
Yes, yes, Sharon, e-everybody's fine.
Are you okay?
Yes, I am, thank you for asking that.
Rick, would you like to come up to the house for a drink
meet my other friends?
Yeah, sure. Thank you.
Oh, hooray! Great, I'll buzz you up.
Hey, man, nice to meet you.
I'm Jay Sebring.
Hi, Rick.
Sharon, hi.
Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, this is Rick Dalton
better known as bounty hunter Jake Cahill.
Speaking on behalf of Red Apple Cigarettes.
Now, I smoke Red Apples, been smokin' 'em for years.
But since the Red Apple Tobacco Comany's been around since 1862,
you'll see Jake Cahill smoke Red Apple, too.
Now, back in Jake's day,
Red Apple came in a pouch and he had to roll his own.
But today, Red Apple comes factory-rolled.
For the best drag with the best tobacco flavor
with less burn on your throat
than any other non-filter cigarette.
Mm.
Now, that's the way a cigarette should taste.
Hm.
Better drag, more flavor,
less throat burn.
That's the Red Apple way.
So look for this lifesize standee of me,
Jake Cahill wherever fine
Red Apple tobacco products are sold.
Take a bite and feel all right.
Take a bite of a Red Apple.
Tell 'em Jake sent ya.
And cut.
Alright, this cigarette is fucking shit.
By the way, who chose this photo, all right?
I have a double chin, all right?
Nobody noticed that crap?!
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